Been reading. Again.
Ressurecting my intensive deep thoughts on the environment I exist does not take long nowadays - it's a constant bookmark in my life.
I have realised that I inflict my friends, bending the ears of anyone who will listen to my rants and misunderstandings of why, how, what and the happily ever after...this is part down to me not writing about what it is on my mind. Like here and now.
Just resisted the temptation to type 'crazy', because this is what I have been saying lots recently. I guess it has become a word that I use to cover up not only my disbelief at what has just happened (or occurring), but my genuine stupidity at not knowing what to say next... so it comes out. I know this is a bit random, but I need to purge myself of some of these innane thoughts which have been bothering me before I can rest on something meaningful.... here it comes.
Nothing. That's better.
If I were to write a list of things which I need to improve upon in my life, personality and general well being, then I think it would go on for ever... is this normal? Does simply talking about it and not doing anything about it make me feel better? Temporarily it does - long term though I am willfully ignoring the obvious signs of a person in distress.
You know what, I have just realised that I do not understand what it is I am doing or meant to do unless either I hear myself say it - or write it down for me to read back. I regurgitate it like this is all my own idea! Like I could ever come up with something that useful! :-(
I read, I watch, I listen, I experiment and experience. Yet I cannot put my finger on where in my life that I change from being the man 'inflicted' by indescision and poor life choices to the guru who feel the need to deal out advice and life changing philosophies.
Perhaps I have cleared enough space for me to write a poem or do something creative now - let's see.